Finally

After 3 unsuccessful attempts at starting a blog I have bitten the bullet. Part of me has felt inhibited about the idea of writing into the ether,but here is as good as place as any, and will be a good repository if I do write anything inspiring.

Over the past few days I have been writing bits and bobs, and now I can't seem to stop. I feel stunted when I try very hard though, but hopefully doing this will help get over my fausse modestie and self-consciousness.

At the moment I am trying very hard to think of positive things to say about myself in view of writing applications for writing work and placements with the BBC. It's pretty difficult convincing anyone else of my worth when I can barely convince myself. Oh, Woe! It is a bit of a bleak winter for everyone, but cleaning other people's toilets for a living has been chipping away at my self- esteem, surprisingly. I pride myself on not feeling too good for any job, but there is some deep discrepancy involved in doing menial work which tends to provide little gratification, whilst also trying to psyche oneself up for a brilliant and fulfilling career. I spend alot of time ironing whilst planning all the things I would like to do when I leave, but always end up reading Jezebel for hours.

My mum apologised to me yesterday, for the part she played in making me feel at such a low ebb. I wish she didn't feel she needed to. And I wish I didn't feel grateful that she did.